Jump, now. I said JUMP.

Hi. I need to reschedule the phone call. Something unexpected came up. Here are some alternate times. I can be available on the weekends, too.

{no response} waiting {no response}

Hi. I didn’t receive any reply (assuming that you sent one). Did you receive my message? I’d like to arrange a new time.

What?!!! YOU want to make a change? We can drag this out for weeks and weeks. What makes you think we should be bothered with responding to you? Your needs don’t matter to us. In fact, you don’t matter to us.

You, peon applicant, mean nothing to us. If you don’t jump when we say jump, our very important personnel cannot be bothered make even the slightest adjustment to accommodate anything you might need. Too bad if you had a serious illness in the family or anything else that might have happened. So what?

We cannot possibly reschedule anything for you.

If any little thing happens, rest assured we will jerk you around with rescheduling for months. Then tell you that we can’t be bothered.

Our schedule cannot be changed. YOU must jump when we say jump. We don’t give a crap about you. Our time is too valuable.

And, btw, while we were jerking you around over the past 2 months, we decided we didn’t really want to consider you anyway. ha ha ha.

1+4=???

If there is one job opening at one company, and four different recruiting firms are all marketing the same job, does that mean there are four jobs open?

1 Job + 4 recruiters = 4 jobs

Count the number of job posts with the same title (or almost the same) in the same city, divide by the number of recruiters posting the job, that’s the real number of openings. Hint: it’s less than the claimed dearth of ‘qualified’ people.

Who’dat?

Phone rings

Candidate: Hello, this is Sam.

Recruiter: Is this George?

Candidate: Who’s calling?

Recruiter: Hello, George. My name is Rita. I’m calling from Big Tech Recruiting about the job you applied for. Are you interested in the job?

Candidate: This is Sam. I applied for a job you posted. Yes, I am interested in the job.

Recruiter: Well then, Sam (snotty tone), are you working? What have you been doing recently?

Candidate: I’m not working for anyone else at the moment. I just completed a proposal for Huge Mega Organization to build a database for their client to track results for a major global initiative.

Recruiter: Well, pause, (completely clueless), do you have any experience with database tools, such as SSRS?

Candidate: Yes. I have about 20 years experience with several different database systems, and have been working with SSRS for the past 3-4 years on a SQL platform.

Recruiter: Why are you looking for a new job?

Candidate: I have bills to pay.

Recruiter: (obviously reading from a script) I see. Are you able to go to the job location?

Candidate: Sure. (But you are not going to hire me because you are totally clueless, so whatever I say does not matter.)

Recruiter: Fine. I will pass your resume to my account manager.

Candidate: That would be great. Thank you.

Recruiter: Goodbye.